Living in the Grey: Using Dialectics to Reduce Black and White Thinking

Black and white thinking, or “binary thinking,” reduces the context and nuance of situations. Here are some examples:

• I messed up this one thing. I’m worthless.

• I’m right. They’re wrong.

• I didn’t get an A on this quiz. I’m going to fail at everything.

• They were late today. They don’t care about my time at all.

If you find yourself experiencing this black and white thinking, practicing dialectics may be helpful to improve your mental flexibility. Dialectics describe how two seemingly opposing ideas can be true at the same time. Consider the “yes, and” that you can put into your statement. For example, “Yes, I’m really annoyed that my friend hasn’t given me my charger back… and, it’s possible that they forgot. Let me ask them.”

Dialectics can help you reduce your binary thinking, increase your resilience, improve your emotion regulation, and help resolve conflict in relationships. They help us empathize with others and ourselves in order to take action to improve our well-being.

Let’s revisit those earlier statements:

• I tried my best and messed up. I feel proud of myself for trying my best and sad that I didn’t get the outcome I wanted.

• We both have reasons we feel this way, even though we might not understand each other. I feel really hurt right now. They might not have meant to hurt me, though.

• I didn’t get an A on this quiz so I’m sad. I’ve done well on other quizzes, though, and I did my best this time.

• They were late today and I’m hurt that they’re not on time. They could also be stuck in traffic or have had something come up.

Dialectics are not about dismissing emotions! They’re about making space for the complex emotions that you and others might feel at the same time, acknowledging the “grey area.”

If dialectics intrigue you, consider exploring Dialectical Behavior Therapy with your therapist!