Moving in Together & Navigating the Roommate Phase

Whether you’ve been living with your partner for a long time or are just moving in together, you might start experiencing what some people refer to as the “roommate phase.” The roommate phase describes a period where you feel more like roommates rather than partners. You feel like you’re sharing a living space rather than intentionally building a life together. 

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t love one another anymore, but that there’s a level of intimacy that seems to have gotten lost among the weeds of cleaning the dishwasher and going grocery shopping. 

To keep the roommate phase away and/or to reincorporate intentionality, here are some options:

1. Acknowledge the roommate phase nonjudgmentally. 

   1. Acknowledge that your dynamic seems to have changed, and that you’d like to incorporate more of whatever romance means for you.

2. Intentionally check-in through a method that’s sustainable for the two of you.

   1. What do you want? Morning or nightly check-ins? Weekly or monthly date nights? Would we rather put them on the calendar or switch off the responsibilities of planning?

3. Communicate your affection

   1. Use words of affirmation to show appreciation, even for the “little” things like throwing out the trash.

4. Prioritize intimacy in a way that’s comfortable for you both

   1. Are you hugging or kissing when the other person comes home? Are you holding hands while you walk? What does comfortable intimacy look like for your relationship?

Recognizing that you’re going through a roommate phase is an opportunity to be curious and intentional about reconnecting with your partner. Communicate and dedicate some time together to exploring your options to celebrate and enjoy your love!