Wise Mind = Emotional Mind + Rational Mind

In our blog post, Intro to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we explored the concept of dialectics. A similar idea from DBT is using wise mind.

Wise mind involves finding the intersection between your emotional mind and your reasonable mind. Think of a time when you felt one way about a situation while logically understanding a different perspective.

Some people may find that their emotional mind often takes the wheel. This happens when you feel your feelings intensely and find it difficult to discern between your perception of events and what may be actually going on. For example, when a friend doesn't text you back, your emotional mind might say, "They hate me. They're mad at me. I feel lonely."

Others find it hard to stray away from their reasonable mind. These people often consider themselves "overthinkers" and try to lead with logic. In that same situation where a friend doesn't text you back, your reasonable mind might say, "They might've just become busy. They'd tell me if they were mad at me."

The difficult thing is that it's really exhausting to try to only let one of these perspectives lead. If you always let your emotional mind lead, you may have difficulty self-soothing and act with impulsivity. If you always let your reasonable mind lead, you may have difficulty recognizing your emotions and self-validating.

The intersection between emotional mind and reasonable mind is wise mind. Wise mind allows you to feel your feelings, recognize the rationale of the ongoing situation, and proceed mindfully. This might look something like, "I feel sad that my friend isn't texting me back. At the same time, I don't have any proof that they're doing that on purpose. They might've just gotten busy. I am a little lonely, though, so maybe I'll try to chat with a different friend. If I feel comfortable enough, I might ask my friend to text me a quick 'brb' if they have to stop texting back in the middle of a conversation."

Wise mind often invites you to slow down, recognize what emotions are coming up for you, and to assess the various perspectives that may be going on in the situation. Wise mind helps you to validate yourself and meet your needs while remaining mindful of external people and circumstances.

Consider which times it's easier for your emotional mind to take charge, and which times it's easier for your reasonable mind to take charge. How can you seek wise mind through these times?