“We Faded…” When a Friend Becomes an Acquaintance

"We broke up." A simple sentence that can have different associations depending on the context. The end of romantic relationships often feels acute and finite. The act of ending them is a "breakup."

When the standards are less clear, though, it can be hard to describe or express the changing nature of a less defined relationship. Maybe it was a "situationship," a "friend break up," or the grey area of a friend becoming an acquaintance. These quiet changes may not always feel like endings, but they may leave you feeling a similar sense of loss to a standard "breakup."

Ambiguous loss comes with a lack of definite ending. Your friend may have just moved further away, the two of you might have gone to different colleges, or maybe life just started looking a little different for the two of you. There was no large fight, but the texts became less and less frequent, you began seeing each other less and less, and now you're in an awkward stage of supporting each other on social media and feeling some emotional distance between the two of you.

What do you do now?

First, let's start by checking in with yourself. How is this distance registering with you? What emotions are coming up? Maybe you're kind of glad for it, maybe you're mourning, maybe both, maybe neither.

Then, let's consider the grey area. What factors led to this? Maybe it was about the friendship itself, maybe it was about different stages of life. How can you check in moving forward in other friendships to remain intentional?

Finally, consider a new framework for this friendship moving forward. There might be a time where you feel comfortable acknowledging the grief and change while still remaining supportive of your friend. Maybe the factors that led to this fade will change and line up so that the two of you can reconnect. Remain intentional and check in with yourself on how you'd like to move forward.